If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitc... -Mitch Hedberg

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If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Mitch Hedberg , Comedian
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes to Explore

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall....
I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them a...
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something....
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming....
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that....
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?...
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!...
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me....
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle....
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down....

Work Quotes to Explore

Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work....
Those who cannot work with their hearts achieve but a hollow, half-hearted success that breeds bitterness all around....
Leave it as it is. The ages have been at work on it and man can only mar it....
It is better to imitate ancient than modern work....
I find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that precedes what the world calls success....
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work....
Surround yourself with people who take their work seriously, but not themselves, those who work hard and play hard....
I don't think that you can invent on behalf of customers unless you're willing to think long-term, because a lot of invention doesn't work. If you're ...
Irrespective of whether you have talent or not, one has to work hard. Just being talented doesn't mean anything; you can end up wasting it before you ...
I'm just not a guy that loves to eat. I love to work and love to work out. I think I go against all the nutritionists who say you need to do this or n...