Ari Shaffir Quotes

Ari Shaffir is an American comedian, actor, and podcast host. He is known for his stand-up comedy specials and his role as the host of the podcast "Skeptic Tank." Shaffir's edgy and irreverent humor has gained him a dedicated following and established him as a distinct voice in the comedy world.

I never had good grades until I dropped out of rel... -Ari Shaffir

I never had good grades until I dropped out of religion. And then suddenly, my grades went up.

People get mad at bad comedy. Way more mad than at... -Ari Shaffir

People get mad at bad comedy. Way more mad than at bad novels.

My CD, my first release, was at the Comedy Works i... -Ari Shaffir

My CD, my first release, was at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the best clubs in the country.

I'm a bit of an introvert, so after talking for an hour and then shaking hands and taking pictures with the people who came out, I kind of need to be alone for a bit to get away from all stimuli.

The only threat is a growing pushback from militant liberals who seek to destroy free expression as they look to limit the speech of anyone who has feelings they find objectionable. It makes comics tentative to push boundaries and freely talk about the thoughts in their heads. That part is terrible for development.

I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn... -Ari Shaffir

I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn, Doritos - those are all healthy snacks.

I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.

Stage fright is a real thing. It's debilitating to... -Ari Shaffir

Stage fright is a real thing. It's debilitating to some people.

Laughs, just laughs. It's the only motivation of a... -Ari Shaffir

Laughs, just laughs. It's the only motivation of a comic.

I grew up so conservative. I grew up as an orthodo... -Ari Shaffir

I grew up so conservative. I grew up as an orthodox Jew.

I know how lazy I am. So if I have to go somewhere else I can't get to easily, I talk myself out of it.

The Comedy Store is my home!... -Ari Shaffir

The Comedy Store is my home!

No astronauts look like George Clooney.... -Ari Shaffir

No astronauts look like George Clooney.

I was on the outside of the industry. So I started a podcast early in the podcast boom and that caught on a little. I made an album that went to No. 1 on the iTunes charts. I made my own special. I started my own storytelling show.

Figure out a way to get back onstage because once you do it a few times you'll get over it. Unless it's like a clinical thing. I don't know about clinical like stage fright, that might be worse than what I'm talking about. But if it's normal stage fright get over it.

I was playing basketball, and I had hemorrhoids in... -Ari Shaffir

I was playing basketball, and I had hemorrhoids in high school.

Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're all awful people, so we just show our weaknesses.

I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away.

You just gotta record stuff and move on and make new material. Painters don't wait until they're in some specific gallery before they move on to the next painting.

I want to do a travel book.... -Ari Shaffir

I want to do a travel book.

Once I started getting more successful, I just stopped caring completely - 'I'll just do exactly what I want. It doesn't matter.'

I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour special on TV.

Bill Burr, Freddy Soto, Joe Rogan, Tom Segura... those people influenced me a lot more than any of the older guys like Richard Pryor.

Failing is part of my process. A new bit never works the first time. I figure I have to bomb 7 times to make it good. So I tweak it.

Leonard Cohen kept his Jew name. He's so cool. It'... -Ari Shaffir

Leonard Cohen kept his Jew name. He's so cool. It's too bad he died.

The worst is when you bomb and when you bomb in front of someone you're trying to impress. That's the worst.

I genuinely like haggis. Everybody told me I was s... -Ari Shaffir

I genuinely like haggis. Everybody told me I was supposed to hate it, but I really did enjoy it.

I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.'

No one's telling Tarantino what to do. You might like it or you might not like it, but the reality is he's getting his own vision out there.

My father said that I was lower than a dog, becaus... -Ari Shaffir

My father said that I was lower than a dog, because even a dog believes in God.

Popular Topic