Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry is a humorist and author known for his humorous columns and books. He was born on July 3, 1947, in Armonk, New York. Barry gained prominence as a humor columnist for The Miami Herald, where he entertained readers with his witty commentary on various topics, including politics, everyday life, and absurdities. His comedic writing style often involves clever wordplay and satire. Over the years, he has published numerous bestselling books, earning him a loyal fanbase and recognition as one of America's most beloved humor writers.

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and... -Dave Barry

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mai... -Dave Barry

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the... -Dave Barry

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee... -Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots tha... -Dave Barry

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel bus... -Dave Barry

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world mo... -Dave Barry

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

Discovering the context

Highlights the perception of adolescents who often find their parents' presence or actions highly embarrassing, suggesting that the behavior and presence of parents can be a source of discomfort or social awkwardness for teenagers as they navigate their own identity and independence.

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going a... -Dave Barry

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

Discovering the context

This quote humorously suggests that auto racing may lack excitement unless there is an extraordinary and thrilling moment, such as a car being inverted and still traveling at high speeds.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down tre... -Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Discovering the context

The quote humorously highlights the adventurous and potentially risky nature of skiing, suggesting the possibility of accidents or collisions with trees.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire,... -Dave Barry

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

Dave Barry Quotes

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