How many people here have telekenetic powers? Rais... -Emo Philips

...

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Emo Philips , Comedian
Related Topics
Related Authors
A. Whitney Brown , Abbi Jacobson , Adam Conover , Adam DeVine , Al Madrigal , Al Yankovic , Alan Carr
About Author

Emo Philips is a stand-up comedian known for his unique and surreal style of comedy. His witty wordplay and offbeat humor have made him a favorite among comedy enthusiasts.

Emo Philips Quotes to Explore

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator....
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend....
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand....
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing....
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something....
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas....
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps....
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites....
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay go...
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good...

Funny Quotes to Explore

My gift is to be funny....
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh....
There's something dangerous about what's funny. Jarring and disconcerting. There is a connection between funny and scary....
I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time wo...
I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting a...
It's so funny because my mom is Thai and my dad is this big American guy - and our food tastes were so similar growing up. He was meat and potatoes, I...
It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella?...
My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a ...
I've always loved 'Umbrella.' Funny enough, my ex-husband wrote that, and I'm not saying it was meant for me or anything - people will start twisting ...
Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested....