Probably the worst time in a person's life is when... -Emo Philips

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Emo Philips , Comedian
Related Topics
Related Authors
A. Whitney Brown , Abbi Jacobson , Adam Conover , Adam DeVine , Al Madrigal , Al Yankovic , Alan Carr
About Author

Emo Philips is a stand-up comedian known for his unique and surreal style of comedy. His witty wordplay and offbeat humor have made him a favorite among comedy enthusiasts.

Emo Philips Quotes to Explore

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator....
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend....
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand....
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing....
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something....
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas....
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps....
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites....
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay go...
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good...

Family Quotes to Explore

There are so many people out there struggling with racism, or their sexuality or where they're brought up or how wealthy their family was ans these is...
My parents were French and Irish and our family even has Spanish blood-and I do so love the United States and consider myself part American....
Be yourself. And if you're not accepted by your family, there will be people who will accept you....
One side of my family cooked this way, talked this way, celebrate this way, traditions is this way, and then one of the sides is different, and as a k...
Americans call them hillbillies, rednecks, or white trash. I call them neighbors, friends, and family....
I approached everything, my job, my family, my romances, with intensity....
Migrants all over the world are pushed and pulled across borders by hunger, terror and climate change. It happened to my own family....
When you grow up in a family of languages, you develop a kind of casual fluency, so that languages, though differently colored, all seem transparent t...
Basically my whole life revolves around soccer. I don't take many vacations. Everything just gets put on the back burner because of my training. I mis...
I'm from a family of six men, so I'm bound to be physical....