Funny Quotes - Page 3

I've always been funny, but I never considered it as a particular career path until my early 30s, when I realized that hip-hop wasn't going to be the long term.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

As far as I'm concerned, 'The Caretaker' is funny up to a point. Beyond that, it ceases to be funny, and it was because of that point that I wrote it.

If I find something funny and make an older woman laugh, I love that for some reason.

Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time.

Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of.

Macho does not prove mucho.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Every dogma has its day.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Weirdly, for someone who wanted to be funny, I didn't like a lot of attention.

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.

If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable.

I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.

It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it.

It's funny, as you live through something you're not aware of it.

Leave America and you'll find that the consumers in many other countries enjoy watching advertising. Not because the products are better, but because the ads are produced to be entertaining. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are dramatic. Sometimes they are just beautiful.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?

I've always surrounded myself with funny people.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.