Funny Quotes - Page 2

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

I can't imagine actually singing on this show like I did on 'Felicity', but it would be kind of funny.

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'

Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you've had Botox. I can tell you've had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one's saying anything. We're just accepting the fact that they're strange-looking.

I'm not really a line type of guy. I mean, pick-up lines work for some guys. You gotta really sell that thing hard. I did try one pick-up line, and it failed miserably. I thought it was really funny, but the girl didn't find it very funny.

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.

Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.

Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning you got off to a bad start. If you lose in the middle of the season, you're in a slump. If you lose at the end, you're choking.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

I think 'Saturday Night Live', starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner.

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

Macho does not prove mucho.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of.

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

Too much agreement kills a chat.