Funny Quotes - Page 5

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Careers are funny things. They begin mysteriously and, just as mysteriously, they can end; and I am at just the very beginning of what I hope will be a long and satisfying life in the theater. But, whatever happens, I am grateful to have had my novice work received so well, and so quickly.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to laugh.

I specifically remember doing the musical 'Sweet Charity' at Stagedoor. I was playing Vittorio Vidal, which is a very funny part, and some other small roles. I couldn't really sing that well, but there were so many fun bits, and I just remember the tremendous adrenaline rush I felt from being onstage and hearing the audience enjoying it.

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me.

Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.

I actually went to see 'Rushmore,' and I came late, and I missed myself. It was great, that scene. I caught that scene the other day on TV, funny enough, the first scene that you see with Jason Schwartzman and myself, where we talk about his grades. That's a brilliant scene, and I have to say, we play it brilliantly.

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.

One man is as good as another until he has written a book.

I never liked you, and I always will.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House.

Don't remember me as too nice or beautiful or funny, because then you'll be disappointed.

If I had to name my favorite media personality, it would be a tie between Jon Stewart and Trey Parker/Matt Stone. Honest, wise, funny, and right. Sam Sifton was right up there when he was writing food criticism for the 'New York Times.'

I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.

One of the funny things of being a producer, you have these fleeting, intense relationships with people, and they go off to global megastardom, and you don't see them.

I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.

When I walked in on 'Drag Race' and saw Katya, I had no idea she was gonna be funny, because she was stunning. She had this perfect red lip, I remember looking into her eyes and being like, 'This is a woman!' Then she was really funny. She kind of presents normal, and it's a one-two punch with the comedy.

I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought to stick around and direct this thing.' But he didn't; he left, and look what he became. A really legendary comedy director.

I am naturally prone to fun or to be funny, but when I talk about myself in interviews, then it's an intellectual exercise.

It's truly a new day ever since we graced the WWE Universe with our presence. Every time we come out there, you see us being funny, having fun, entertaining people and, of course, preaching the power of positivity. That's what New Day is all about.

That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.